..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
