I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
