sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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