I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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