mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
please come you make the beer taste better
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
