I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
