I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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