I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
