My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize