Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
