if i died would you start the facebook group?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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