There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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