My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
