I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
wow bdsm is so cute
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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