Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
