I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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