The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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