I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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