Nicole vs. Life
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
