No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
