I wanna passion pit in your ass
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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