I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
