I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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