It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
