im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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