Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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