I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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