I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
