does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
