Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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