How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
