woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
