I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
