I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
