I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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