i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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