Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
