i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
