mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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