I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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