Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
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He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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