I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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