what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
