holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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