I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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