you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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