I want to have your abortion
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
