Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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