An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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