Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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