their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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