Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
