I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
