we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
