I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
