I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
