I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
