you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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