you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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