He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
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I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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