bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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