The maid of honor just puked.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
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Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
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For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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