Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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