So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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