It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
