You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
