My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
