shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
