yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
