Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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