Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
