Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
