i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
