I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
