Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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