I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
