i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's paint friendship bongs
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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