She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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