My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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