just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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