So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
