and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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