i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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