We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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