hell yes lets make some ravioli
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
